She Is More Than That...(Bif Naked 2016, to start)

When the announcement posted on my Facebook Wall, I literally jumped of the couch. Our town and county mayors announcing Bif Naked (and some other people - just kidding) would be playing this year’s free admission Party In The Park, Labour Day long weekend, 2016. And then I proceeded to gleefully jump around the house making loud “Yes. Yes. Yes.” and “Oh my god. Oh my god.” I then went to work and subjected my co-workers with copious amounts of Bif Naked history, without any shame and included a full declaration of girl-crush. I also booked off time to make it to her performance, weeks in advance.

Have I lost my mind? That is really not the right question. Will I lose my mind? That is what I’m trying to prevent when Miss Beth Torbert and her band, Bif Naked come to town. Then I read comments re: my raving post on a local community page. It went something like (exactly) this,

-   “wish the town would live in 2016, not 2003.”

-   “I didn’t even know that she did anything anymore.”

And even as far as,

-   “I heard she was a mega-bitch in person.” That one both made me laugh and want to throat-punch the person, personally. Simply because, everybody is a ‘bitch’ sometimes.

And all these comments were to be expected from certain folks, previous history dictates. I also couldn’t resist to urge to reply a knock’em-all’down reply back, as follows,

-   “Pretty sure this Bif Naked: Forever (Acoustic and Other Delights) was released 2012 and her new book, just hit bestseller across North America. (So who's living in what year again?) This woman rocks anything she gets her hands on, including breast cancer and stuff. And she's sexy as hell through it all. Living super woman.

BIF NAKED ~I Bificus [FULL ALBUM]

I’m not a fanatical fan by any means of the word, or psychological profile, really. I just really love and appreciate this woman for her accomplishments, her talents (which are so many), and her ability to share so openly about such personal moments, whether just waking up in her kitchen in Paris, or waking up in her hospital bed, after chemotherapy. Beth Torbert (Bif Naked) is just that way.

In short form, her resume reads experience and success in song writing, singing, poetry, Animal Rights activist, acting, philanthropy, motivational speaking, non-fictional writing, blogging, (take a breath), and more.  

Moral of this post: Just because you think that a musician is no longer performing, or (at the extreme) falsely dead, maybe a person should use their wonderful Facebook and Google apps and they will probably find out that they themselves stopped ‘rockin’, not the artist.

©Dominique Clark 2016

When You Have The Change...(RUFKM, I Thought It Was Done With!!!)

(Caution: Language pertaining to the woman's anatomy and functions will be described in the following article. This is important and should be shared with anybody you feel has not been upgraded on their education of what to expect in Peri-menopausal and Menopausal)

      I'm not an expert on health by any means but what I've been experiencing for the past few years (stopped counting after 5 or so), is no less than an incessant inconvenience of all sorts. I've had body pains, night-sweats (just pure pleasure that is, not!), and some other debilitating symptoms. I had inquired with several doctors within my town regarding these ailments and was told,

     "No, you are not menopausal. Get more exercise." And that was the extent of it.

     January, 2016 comes around and everything is pretty much going the same, minus all the symptoms listed previously. Then February, and no period. Then March, and no period. As I etched into the end of April, I was getting ready to pop the champagne and begin life without the baggage of feminine hygiene products, ever. I also wasn't feeling the best, physically, either. There was sharp pain in the upper back by the spine that was causing some much grief. Not enough to send me to the doctor as I was managing and the discomfort seemed to be easing, as 4- 5 days went by.     

     On April 30, as I prepared for evening sky-watching through YouTube, a sudden urge to urinate sent me to the bathroom where I discovered that Mother Nature was not finished with me yet. This first frustrated me. Quite a lot more than just a bit. I grumbled as I went to bed and was still grumbling when the alarm went off. Almost talked myself into thinking it was the wrong day and would have gone back to bed. I blame my period for that, because I just spent two months of pure bliss. No cramps, no bloating, no back-pains from hell and especially, NO PADS.

     But no, overnight, my jeans are sausage-tight, no joke. And my skin feels like it's going to breakout any minute. I'm too old for this shit!!! And I don't want to, nah! I spent almost every other hour of the following day (today) hoping that it was just a 'blip' in the schedule and would be done by the end of the day. That didn't happen, either. 

     I know that my BFF just went pure hell as she seemed to have all the symptoms  x 10 and even referred to feeling like a pig being bled-out, for days on end. I wanted to ask her about my current circumstance, but considering how awful her experience was, I couldn't. So I did the next best thing: Googled it! (And it worked. Imagine that.)

     First off, I'm not nuts and you ladies out there, are not going nuts either. We are stuck in the 'Perimenopausal Stage' (Premenopause). And this can last for what seems like a second lifetime. And it is common for 'Aunt Flow' to come in and out of her cycle until full Menopause takes over. And yes, it might get more painful, complete unpredictable and seem like the bleeding is heavier than in previous cycles. This not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to feel like a teenager again.

     

     Second, big, huge Thank You to the people at Canadian Women's Health Network, who put together one heck of a website that is going to help me figure all this crap out. Third, doctors need to start giving women more information on what's going on with their own bodies. We don't all have a gynecologist available, a big sister who's been through it or a mother who's comfortable enough to share her experience. Even if the doctor is male and is uncomfortable himself discussing female events, the least he could do is guide us towards the right source for our own information quest, as I've done here.

     There is lots of information out there from professional individuals and women's clinics and other fantastic sites. I would hope that this site and the information on both phases of Menopause are helpful to somebody who, like me, has to find out somethings on their own.

©Dominique Clark 2016

#Menopause #WomensHealth #Perimenopause #Health #Postmenopause #CanadianWomensHealth 

Get The Love Back...(And why your cooking may taste like sh*t.)

       As a teenager, I LOVED to eat. So I enjoyed baking, too. The pleasure of making delicious pies, cream puffs, crepes and so many kinds of puddings. I made some fantastic apple pies from scratch, back then. And I got even more pleasure when my family would enjoy what I had made. I was still learning and more important, I wanted to keep trying even after a failure or two with some new recipe.

As I set off into repetitive, random chaos of choices and compromises that is Adulthood, the love of food became a battle against food and thus started my spiral descent into non-culinary care and fear of delectable exploration. I came to the sad resolve that nothing I would concoct would ever be edible so never presentable to others besides my family, who were also defeated to knowing the meaning of ‘Free-For-All’,  in the torture chamber that became any kitchen that I was standing in. Pizza (or other Take-Out menus) were handy when expecting company. Alcohol was helpful with the hosting or lack thereof.

Then Life shifted, as it does, presenting me with a re-do of opportunities and lots of time to think about all of everything. Since it wasn’t my first time at the rodeo, I had long decided that I would go into this new shift of circumstances using the knowledge of the past, without fear blinding my future possibilities.

I caught myself watching a cooking show now and then. Nothing ever lasted more than 15 mins (or the time of a recipe) and none of the hosts were my kind of teacher – sorry Mr. G. Ramsay. Until I came across Anna& Kristina’s Grocery Bag and I was hooked. I had previous caught some of their shows during their earlier show “The Grocery Bags” (good stuff), I just wasn’t able to appreciate what they were offering to me, at the time. During the first episode of Anna & Kristina’s Grocery Bag, I was enjoying watching them execute a random recipe for their first time and showing that mistakes happen to everybody (even you, Mr. G. Ramsay). And it was okay to try again, or find something else to create that you can accomplish.

The inspiration from Anna & Kristina’s Grocery Bag helped bring the love back for me. I cleaned out my kitchen and started making some bread. It was a re-do, of course. That is why I went for it. And I was rewarded with some pretty delicious dinner rolls. Then came the whole turkey (secret ingredient - Club House Montreal Steak Spice) and started the New Year with a Knock-Your-Socks-Off  Banana Bread, using a variation from the original Betty Crocker recipe.

And when I rocked the French Crepe recipe from King Arthur’s Flour, to the raves of my teenage son, I knew I had brought myself back to a level of contentment that was reflected in the love I infused while I was in the kitchen.

Get your ‘bake’ on, people. It might be the therapy you need.

©Dominique Clark 2016

Before You Say 'I Do'...

 

The concept of the Institute of Marriage has been long disintegrating within the North American culture, as half of American marriages end in divorce (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.html) and Canadian marital statistics are not much more encouraging (http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/marriage-and-divorce/) The lack of current information at the Statistics Canada, last updated in 2005, is also a little concerning, yet I will leave that for later. The normal course of marriage has become divorce as more thought is put into a divorce agreement before the actual ceremony, than asking the more important questions to make sure that the union survives the waves of time.

Marriage is a commitment that requires effort, compromise and sacrifice, EVERY DAY! When you choose to be in this type of arrangement, you need to put the thought, passion and motivation you put in every day at work, at your favorite hobby or your weekly group activity. This article is written to help those contemplating this major life-changing decision. Read it with an open-mind and your thinking cap on. To start this examination of marriage, please read:

"I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may also take the following form:

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

These are traditional Roman Catholic vows. Let's not knit-pick about the wording, most cultures have similar vows expressing same commitment, sacrifice and loyalty. It seems that the meaning of these vows has either not been explained properly or the mass general public has no use of any of these qualities and characteristics in a partner. It's exactly those three things that are lacking in most relationships.

When talking about spend their lives together, most couples talk about cute babies, having a nice car, where their first vacation is going to be (if they didn't already take that trip pre-honeymoon) and how much the wedding is going to cost. These questions have become too much of priorities and yet are nowhere to be found in the vows. Not everybody will make it the whole stretch and yes, shit happens. But if any part of you is human, you would like to believe that the person beside will always be there, no matter what.

Let's start the list of important points of marriage when picking a life-time partner.

1. Take a good visual look at the one you want to bind your life with. Close your eyes and picture them old. Picture them with thin grey/white hair or none at all. Picture them with a hunched back, swollen finger joints and wrinkly skin. You need to visualise this person in the most advanced stages of aging. Most of the time, looking at their parents is a very good indicator of the person your 'life's desire' will become. Do you want to be there?

2. Imagine this person you 'can't get enough of', sick or permanently injured. Imagine this person needing continuous care. Imagine them not able to function or be productive for the rest of your future together. Imagine this person losing their limb, their speech or their consciousness. Can you say "I do." to 'in sickness or in health'?

3. Where are you going to live during your golden years? This should be discussed long before the number of kids (if any) or which house you really like right now? If you want to finish the Race of Life at the foot of a mountain and your current 'reason for being' can picture all the conveniences the city would offer to seniors, you would be blind to not see a problem.

(Are you really reflecting on these first few points enough to even need to continue reading? Have you realized that you are 'not there yet'? More 'in lust than 'in love'? Keep reading, as this should help you make sure that when you are ready it's one time and forever.

4. Whose career path holds more importance when the promotion and move comes up? The reason this should be discussed is that, if any changes occur at the drop of dime due to the employment of one or other spouse, there is always the chance of resentment and feeling of missed opportunities by the partner who changed everything for their loved one. This resentment can come from abandoning a loved job, a circle of friends and family and a structure of life they loved. Will they do this for you as you would do this for them? So you hope and you must blindly trust.

Military families are not the only families, anymore, who have a parent faraway from home for weeks at time. All the decisions that are needed will be made by one partner in absence for the other. What kind of involvement do you expect from your partner in the establishment of a foundation and continued growth of your relationship for those golden years together?

5. Are you ready to support every decision or idea even if it isn't what you would want or do? The most passionate of relationships crumble in the face of reality that not both parties are in it to the same degree. If you can't give unconditional support despite your personal feelings, you are not completely loyal or committed to this person. And if you are not working on the end game, then there really is no point in working on the present together.

A real marriage is built on the basis on two individuals with similar goals, needs and desires. Anything not founded on those principles is doomed to end. Sooner or later, it really doesn't matter, it will end. One of you will want out and one of you will be devastated. Are you prepared for the 'light in your life' to quit caring as quickly as they cared for you? Are you ready for the little things you love much to become the things that may annoy you the most?

At this point, you should be able to make your choice of asking your 'future better half' to continue on the beautiful journey of life together or you decide to just continue to enjoy the relationship you have and let it run it's course without intertwining everything and everybody in the process. Good luck on making the 'right choice' for yourself and your beloved. My only wish is that this article would help somebody make the choice that is best for them.

#marriage #relationship #commitment #choices #compromise #sacrifice

©DominiqueClark2016