Before You Say 'I Do'...

 

The concept of the Institute of Marriage has been long disintegrating within the North American culture, as half of American marriages end in divorce (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.html) and Canadian marital statistics are not much more encouraging (http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/marriage-and-divorce/) The lack of current information at the Statistics Canada, last updated in 2005, is also a little concerning, yet I will leave that for later. The normal course of marriage has become divorce as more thought is put into a divorce agreement before the actual ceremony, than asking the more important questions to make sure that the union survives the waves of time.

Marriage is a commitment that requires effort, compromise and sacrifice, EVERY DAY! When you choose to be in this type of arrangement, you need to put the thought, passion and motivation you put in every day at work, at your favorite hobby or your weekly group activity. This article is written to help those contemplating this major life-changing decision. Read it with an open-mind and your thinking cap on. To start this examination of marriage, please read:

"I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may also take the following form:

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

These are traditional Roman Catholic vows. Let's not knit-pick about the wording, most cultures have similar vows expressing same commitment, sacrifice and loyalty. It seems that the meaning of these vows has either not been explained properly or the mass general public has no use of any of these qualities and characteristics in a partner. It's exactly those three things that are lacking in most relationships.

When talking about spend their lives together, most couples talk about cute babies, having a nice car, where their first vacation is going to be (if they didn't already take that trip pre-honeymoon) and how much the wedding is going to cost. These questions have become too much of priorities and yet are nowhere to be found in the vows. Not everybody will make it the whole stretch and yes, shit happens. But if any part of you is human, you would like to believe that the person beside will always be there, no matter what.

Let's start the list of important points of marriage when picking a life-time partner.

1. Take a good visual look at the one you want to bind your life with. Close your eyes and picture them old. Picture them with thin grey/white hair or none at all. Picture them with a hunched back, swollen finger joints and wrinkly skin. You need to visualise this person in the most advanced stages of aging. Most of the time, looking at their parents is a very good indicator of the person your 'life's desire' will become. Do you want to be there?

2. Imagine this person you 'can't get enough of', sick or permanently injured. Imagine this person needing continuous care. Imagine them not able to function or be productive for the rest of your future together. Imagine this person losing their limb, their speech or their consciousness. Can you say "I do." to 'in sickness or in health'?

3. Where are you going to live during your golden years? This should be discussed long before the number of kids (if any) or which house you really like right now? If you want to finish the Race of Life at the foot of a mountain and your current 'reason for being' can picture all the conveniences the city would offer to seniors, you would be blind to not see a problem.

(Are you really reflecting on these first few points enough to even need to continue reading? Have you realized that you are 'not there yet'? More 'in lust than 'in love'? Keep reading, as this should help you make sure that when you are ready it's one time and forever.

4. Whose career path holds more importance when the promotion and move comes up? The reason this should be discussed is that, if any changes occur at the drop of dime due to the employment of one or other spouse, there is always the chance of resentment and feeling of missed opportunities by the partner who changed everything for their loved one. This resentment can come from abandoning a loved job, a circle of friends and family and a structure of life they loved. Will they do this for you as you would do this for them? So you hope and you must blindly trust.

Military families are not the only families, anymore, who have a parent faraway from home for weeks at time. All the decisions that are needed will be made by one partner in absence for the other. What kind of involvement do you expect from your partner in the establishment of a foundation and continued growth of your relationship for those golden years together?

5. Are you ready to support every decision or idea even if it isn't what you would want or do? The most passionate of relationships crumble in the face of reality that not both parties are in it to the same degree. If you can't give unconditional support despite your personal feelings, you are not completely loyal or committed to this person. And if you are not working on the end game, then there really is no point in working on the present together.

A real marriage is built on the basis on two individuals with similar goals, needs and desires. Anything not founded on those principles is doomed to end. Sooner or later, it really doesn't matter, it will end. One of you will want out and one of you will be devastated. Are you prepared for the 'light in your life' to quit caring as quickly as they cared for you? Are you ready for the little things you love much to become the things that may annoy you the most?

At this point, you should be able to make your choice of asking your 'future better half' to continue on the beautiful journey of life together or you decide to just continue to enjoy the relationship you have and let it run it's course without intertwining everything and everybody in the process. Good luck on making the 'right choice' for yourself and your beloved. My only wish is that this article would help somebody make the choice that is best for them.

#marriage #relationship #commitment #choices #compromise #sacrifice

©DominiqueClark2016

Constant Reboot

       That’s how Life can feel for some of us. We describe our daily routine as a struggle, a battle, or some other term encompassing the random, yet consistent chaos that is your life. And the more your determination is communicated as anger, resentment, pain and such, the more the opposing forces will build against you to stop your constant attempt for change. Once you accept the theory of action, reaction and opposing balance, you will be able to find balance in the chaos that you don’t control.

       That about sums up what I have gotten out of my endless months of blog silence. The valleys have been very deep indeed and the ascensions that followed were just as breathtaking and arduous, and here I am…hitting the Reboot button on life, again. And during this mild hilltop moment, I’ve found myself writing, a lot. The love and interest in certain pastimes has returned over the last 24 months, in increments, including baking and the need to make some sweaters. All these things were lost to me during times of depressive valleys.

       I hope to make the most of this year’s opportunities, whether I create them or receive them for like-minded people. I have come to the conclusion that the struggle is more of a bumpy journey if you learn to understand and work through, around or with your situation to correct it to fit your current needs and wants. I’ve come to understand that Contentment is far easier to achieve than defined Happiness. You cannot expect respect for yourself if you don’t respect yourself.

       So I go into 2016 on another Reboot. With some unresolved situations that need to be finalized and some new ideas and hopes that may need to be realized. But the ultimate conclusion is: that I’m able to do any of what I do on a daily basis is awesome, to say the least. And I’m trying to make the most of this life as the highs and lows allow. And I’m going to use those same highs and lows to my advantage on this Reboot. 3, 2, 1…Click.

#depression, #socialanxiety, #therapy, #mentalwellness, #letstalkCanada

©DominiqueClark2016

Cut Off The Cable Today...(WTF!?!?!)

It’s done. I can’t believe I just did it. I cut off my own cable TV today. The decision did not come lightly as I’ve spent the better part of December 2015 and the start of January 2016 thinking about it. I’ve lived in some not so great places and in some not so great conditions but somehow, I don’t remember ever not having some kind of TV program, running in the background of whatever situation I was in. And after spending the last 3 years very much in solitude, I’ve found that the TV is constantly occupying my space, even when I’m doing something else, in another room. If that isn’t a sign of pure, unadulterated addiction, then I need to reread the definition of addiction.

I remember, now more than ever, all those hours spent reading books on all kinds of subjects. Women’s Romance Novels started the cycle when I was a young awkward, confused, angry teenager. Then I found pleasure of Science Fiction such as multi-dimensions worlds, time travel and other undiscovered possibilities. Once I fell in Fantasy fables and tales, I was awakened to ever flexible boundaries of creativity with words. I finally saw the connection between idea, development and actual creation.

I lost all those feelings through Life’s roller-coaster ride of poor choices, compromises and disappointments. I’ve come close, several times, to letting the desperation engulf me to total darkness. Those had to be the darkest of times for me. Yet, here I am, wanting to return the enjoyment of escape while finding balance in the reality of that surrounds me.

By losing the chain that cable TV has become in my life, I want to find the space to fill with more of what is around me personally and globally, without it being scheduled around a pre-scheduled timeline on a TV Guide screen. As almost every minute of TV seems to scream at me, all that I seek is available across the Internet. And I’m going to find out for myself if this true.

As I write this, the TV is running on its last hours of paid subscription and I’m feeling about as nervous as each time I attempt to quit smoking. Sure hope I’m more successful at quitting cable TV.

#cuttingoutcableTV ,#returntoreading, #simplfy, #returntosilence

©DominiqueClark2016