Oscar's Got Some Bling...(and he don't like it!)

So during my 'time off from work', I was sorting through the bombed-out house and found a cute little 'bling' collar I had gotten for Oscar when he could maybe wear it as a belt. So he never wore it 'til now. We're going for the In-door Cat, this time. And he's starting to try the dash out the door  and other escapes. Only come close to being cut in half by the door twice, so far.

Let me explain, if you don't already know, that A) Oscar likes to hunt humans and stuff, B) Oscar is quite large for his age ( refer to yesterday's post). He's become exceptional at the ambush tactic so I needed to step-up his 'indoor-behavior' training. When speed like Oscar's is involved, just using the "Bottle" is not enough.  And Voila!!! 



Oscar is big enough for the 'bling' collar. And he reacted like I thought he would and then some. I  thought he was going to dislocate his jaw trying to tear off the bell himself. "He went crazy" is a mild description. And he was really not impressed with me, in particular. He challenged me with his big-back stance and stuff. Then he meowed his displeasure (that was torture itself, because he can talk for a long time.) And during all this, he was still wrestling frantically with the bell, to make it stop ringing in his ears. It really was alot of ringing.

I was then treated to 3 nights of 11:30 wake-up by pouncing on my head, biting my little finger, and clawing exposed skin. By the 3rd night, I took the "Bottle" to bed with me and the rest of the night was 'peaceful'.

I have complete faith that this will help us detect any future attacks. And help him find some finesse that cats usually have. Oscar, unfortunately, jumps around like an elephant and runs down the hallway like a freight-train. And I'm just waiting for the neighbors downstairs to inquire if we have a dog and not a cat. I've never had a cat who made so much noise.

It's the end of the week and he's already lighter on his feet, unfortunately not when he's jumping around or skidding across the hardwood floor. My son has asked to remove the bell as it's driving him bonkers. I replied it was the whole purpose for the collar. The bell was for our safety, in case of attacks. He stressed how targeted me mostly, so he didn't mind the attacks. The Boy still lost the argument. I do have an easier time knowing where the devilish feline is, without having to go find him, as I can hear the 'jingle' now. It may sound like Christmas when Oscar is having 'funtime' all over the house, but I'm not scared to walk down the hall anymore. So 'Jingle All the Way', baby!

Here kitty, kitty, kitty....(I got somethin' for ya. hehehe)

I finally got things back under control (fingers crossed and such). So I'm going to try to condense the "progress" made by our 'darling, little' Oscar. First off, I wish to have a DNA test as to how old this feline really is? I've gone as far as to imagine that he was starved to stay small til he was given away. But that's just my paranoid self doing the thinking there. I'm just saying. This kitty isn't a kitty anymore. And he's just 4 months old. His playful attacks on the human calves was funny until he started to weigh over 5 pounds and grew an extra 1'1/2 more. He's become faster, more cunning, deadlier.

He stalks me, now. It can be almost scary. I thought giving him treats, every-other day, when he behaved, might help train him but Whiskas Cat Treats are "kitty krack". Those are some of my favorite commercials but now that I've seen the effect on Oscar, I just want to know what they put in the treat. He gets all crazy for this stuff. And don't get me started on his "Whiskas' Special Kitty Formula". He goes ape for those 'special crunchy tasty pockets'. They look an awful lot like the "kitty krack". Visually, anyway. I've tried to document the effect on our beloved (still developing -pea-brain) pet, but I need a video cam or find my web cam. He's that fast. So in the meantime....

Oscar's games, on the other hand, are mostly playful for him and very harmful to the receiver of his attention (people, stuffed animals, walls, furniture, shadows...)

 He gets those huge pupils like this guy...

 

Then he starts doing 'super-kitty' things like flying...


That's where things turn ugly for the poor dogs who have invaded Oscar's house.

 

I especially enjoyed the wrestling moving Oscar attempted.

Which ended up looking like a dry-land belly flop, instead. So with his ego bruised, Oscar set out to stalk the victorious doggie.....

Whom he viciously attacked,(as seen on a local surveillance footage).

As Oscar checked for witnesses...

The camera was between frames for fractions of a second...

Yet, it was enough for Oscar to dispose of his tormentor and regain his domain without further challenge.

Then the kitty 'treat' wears off and we are left with this...!

Whiska Cat Treats, go figure!

So yeah, anyway, I tell you about the "bling" collar another time then. Ciao, bellas!

Sorry I'm In Your way...(& Other Things that Dumbfound Me, Myself & I).

(The following post is to be considered my first compilation of assorted events that either left me laughing hysterically, speechless (REALLY!) from blatant display of lack of braincells ,  just plain stunned that nobody got hurt, or All-of-the-Above. Every-time I think I can't be taken by surprise or be impressed by incompetence, the Human Race proves me wrong. And I'm almost thankful, sometimes. It keeps me on my toes. But most times, I just find it to be 'some kind of annoying' So read on, and please, if you've been there, leave a comment. And vent out your moment of 'ignorant bliss', whether you were a part of it or just an amused witness.)

Just a couple of weeks back...

As my husband went to check the mail across the street from our house, a vehicle driven by a female, was coming towards him. He waited for her to come to a complete stop so he could cross; you see, we live in a school zone and that was in effect. As she got closer, he made motion that he was stepping out off the curb. The woman slammed on her brakes and pointed with one hand to the other hand, which was holding a phone to her ear. My hubby stated that he swears he could lip-read the following from the young woman's mouth:

"I'm on the phone!"

That is hilarious, mind-boggling, dumbfounding,...(so many things, really). All of which say that it was just wrong, wrong, wrong. So sorry, lady, my hubby was aware of your complete disregard of numerous driving laws and that he almost became your new hood ornament. I'm a strong believer that both driver and pedestrian should follow set rules and common sense. We have alot of laws and very little common sense. This lack of common sense creates more laws and even less common sense. It's just a vicious cycle. How do we stop this before we become a society of idiots? That is the question, I fear.

And then....

It had been years since I had thought about the Boomtown Rats "I don't Like Mondays".   Today just brought me back to my teen years. That may have been due, in part to my life flashing before my eyes several times throughout the day. Also, in part, the lyrics (based on true events during the year of the song's events) explain quite eloquently (nicely) how a person can just be pushed so much, walked on so much, ignored so much, ... until they just go,



(Too Cool, non?)



Don't get me wrong, not condoning/justifying/supporting serial killers and mass murders of any kind, in any way. I do, however,  almost understand how a person ill-equipped for this world could crack in a violent and brutal way. The difference between creatively/productively crazy and morbidly insane is very fragile. Hence, my need to sing out loud as I have to negotiate this crazy, little town's traffic of insane 'should-be-contestant-on-Canada's-Worst-Drivers' population.

Anyway*/!%@. Yeah. And then....

Report of Near-Miss

Time/Date: Monday Morning- 7:45 am

Location: somewhere in Alberta, at  signaled intersection (on the the Highway the Runs through it. Weeeeeeee!!!!!)

Speed Limit: 70km/hr

Description of Incident as per potential witness:

(Note: I wrote this in a southern accent. Please forgive me, I'm french.)

As I prepared to make my turn, that way, I noticed a preddy red truck with a preddy shiney grill comin' my way, so I didn't go. Then the truck went that way on the curb then that way towards another truck. That one wasn' preddy though. Then the truck come this way, and I got real scared that I woodin' get when the lottery afterall. But the truck went the other way.

It's ok, though. I seen the other driver and he seemed to be quite ok, despite the near-miss accident. He was still textin' as the the preddy truck drove away. Good thang it didin' scare him.

signed,

Non-voluntary near-victim

(Big Breath In; Big Breath Out. Repeat.)

And then...

Dear Indebted Lowlife:

Amount Owed: $650.00

We are authorized by Big National Company, to request the following payout settlement, for your above-mentioned account, in the amount of $1,450.00.

Please forward the requested amount prior to Oct 31, 2010. or further action, including garnishee of wages, may occur.

Thank for your attention in this matter.

Respectfully Yours,

People-Paid-To-Make-Funny-Yet-Expense-Mistakes.

Response Letter from Indebted Lowlife:

(note: excerpt only. All names and locations changed to protect the innocent. And to be used in a court of law, or further correspondence, if necessary.)

I regret to inform you of my confusion upon receipt of your Pay-Out Offer for acct: 5 digit here.

(copy of original correspondence to respondent attached.)

Please forward clarification of proposed offer on behalf of Big National Company prior to further action against little old me, including garnishee of my peanut wages.



You have got to be f****n' kinding me, right?!?!?!


And then...

To make a long story short, although the names and locations have been changed, I do swear on a stack of recyclable law-books that it's all true. And I do hope you have as much funny reading as I had writing, this 'rather long first compilation' post.

Thank you and 'shout out' to all those linked URL sites that provided the just-perfect images to complement my stories of the above mentioned true incidences. They really help bring the meaning of each feeling of the story to life. Again thank you. So reader(s), please feel free to use sites for your images needs. Free publicity to all.)

Until next time... or tomorrow; whichever comes first. Kisses, My Bitches.