Just a couple of weeks back...
As my husband went to check the mail across the street from our house, a vehicle driven by a female, was coming towards him. He waited for her to come to a complete stop so he could cross; you see, we live in a school zone and that was in effect. As she got closer, he made motion that he was stepping out off the curb. The woman slammed on her brakes and pointed with one hand to the other hand, which was holding a phone to her ear. My hubby stated that he swears he could lip-read the following from the young woman's mouth:
"I'm on the phone!"
That is hilarious, mind-boggling, dumbfounding,...(so many things, really). All of which say that it was just wrong, wrong, wrong. So sorry, lady, my hubby was aware of your complete disregard of numerous driving laws and that he almost became your new hood ornament. I'm a strong believer that both driver and pedestrian should follow set rules and common sense. We have alot of laws and very little common sense. This lack of common sense creates more laws and even less common sense. It's just a vicious cycle. How do we stop this before we become a society of idiots? That is the question, I fear.
And then....
It had been years since I had thought about the Boomtown Rats "I don't Like Mondays". Today just brought me back to my teen years. That may have been due, in part to my life flashing before my eyes several times throughout the day. Also, in part, the lyrics (based on true events during the year of the song's events) explain quite eloquently (nicely) how a person can just be pushed so much, walked on so much, ignored so much, ... until they just go,
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| (Too Cool, non?) |
Don't get me wrong, not condoning/justifying/supporting serial killers and mass murders of any kind, in any way. I do, however, almost understand how a person ill-equipped for this world could crack in a violent and brutal way. The difference between creatively/productively crazy and morbidly insane is very fragile. Hence, my need to sing out loud as I have to negotiate this crazy, little town's traffic of insane 'should-be-contestant-on-Canada's-Worst-Drivers' population.
Anyway*/!%@. Yeah. And then....
Report of Near-Miss
Time/Date: Monday Morning- 7:45 am
Location: somewhere in Alberta, at signaled intersection (on the the Highway the Runs through it. Weeeeeeee!!!!!)
Speed Limit: 70km/hr
Description of Incident as per potential witness:
(Note: I wrote this in a southern accent. Please forgive me, I'm french.)
As I prepared to make my turn, that way, I noticed a preddy red truck with a preddy shiney grill comin' my way, so I didn't go. Then the truck went that way on the curb then that way towards another truck. That one wasn' preddy though. Then the truck come this way, and I got real scared that I woodin' get when the lottery afterall. But the truck went the other way.
It's ok, though. I seen the other driver and he seemed to be quite ok, despite the near-miss accident. He was still textin' as the the preddy truck drove away. Good thang it didin' scare him.
signed,
Non-voluntary near-victim
(Big Breath In; Big Breath Out. Repeat.)
And then...
Dear Indebted Lowlife:
Amount Owed: $650.00
We are authorized by Big National Company, to request the following payout settlement, for your above-mentioned account, in the amount of $1,450.00.
Please forward the requested amount prior to Oct 31, 2010. or further action, including garnishee of wages, may occur.
Thank for your attention in this matter.
Respectfully Yours,
People-Paid-To-Make-Funny-Yet-Expense-Mistakes.
Response Letter from Indebted Lowlife:
(note: excerpt only. All names and locations changed to protect the innocent. And to be used in a court of law, or further correspondence, if necessary.)
I regret to inform you of my confusion upon receipt of your Pay-Out Offer for acct: 5 digit here.
(copy of original correspondence to respondent attached.)
Please forward clarification of proposed offer on behalf of Big National Company prior to further action against little old me, including garnishee of my peanut wages.
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| You have got to be f****n' kinding me, right?!?!?! |
And then...
To make a long story short, although the names and locations have been changed, I do swear on a stack of recyclable law-books that it's all true. And I do hope you have as much funny reading as I had writing, this 'rather long first compilation' post.
Thank you and 'shout out' to all those linked URL sites that provided the just-perfect images to complement my stories of the above mentioned true incidences. They really help bring the meaning of each feeling of the story to life. Again thank you. So reader(s), please feel free to use sites for your images needs. Free publicity to all.)
Until next time... or tomorrow; whichever comes first. Kisses, My Bitches.
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